Odds are this has happened to you… Pushing your trolley round the supermarket, you find somebody else's handwritten shopping list discarded within it. Perhaps left littered loosely or snug tight in the little clipboard.
This is a gallery of 500 of them each given a unique humorous story. All persons, events, and institutions are fictitious so any resemblance is coincidental. It is best enjoyed on a desktop.
Isaac was confused when he opened the envelope and it read "Hppy Brthdy". For someone with a double vowel in his name, he knew their importance.
Derek drove home with a quarter of ABBA.
Sandra was bewildered when her hubby parked up with the U2 frontman in the passenger seat. Yet again, he hadn't found what he was looking for even with a list.
Helena was only on the third day of her production internship at Ready Steady Cook and was worried she'd missed something.
There was chaos as Joe knew it meant cheese but fancied getting a bit of a rook from chess instead.
Michael knew he must get half a dozen onions. It simply was not worth coming back with five.
That's when Julie knew it couldn't be drugs. It was pot plural.
Marcus certainly did not understand what he was volunteering for.
Belinda always thought Andrew didn't listen. She knew when he sauntered back with Christmas crackers.
Onions, oils, and oats. Ruth ended up just getting as many of them as possible. All the O's. Even a ring doughnut.
Vince was looking at properties with a massive room and acres of land.
Alexa felt silly asking the member of staff about chicken soup pads. Especially when the supervisor was called over.
The lack of decisiveness gave Casey options but he would have much preferred to know exactly what she wanted.
(back)
Vivien was perplexed when she drew out a lads magazine from the bag her grandson had got her from the local shop.
Was she saying they already had Kievs? Wanted Kievs? Needed Kievs? Leon picked up some just to be safe.
Date night was ready. Carl was excited.
What Peas had done, nobody knew. But they had certainly done something.
Rhiannon's boyfriend was a clever guy. But she was concerned about his understanding of the Gregorian calendar.
Mo left the naughty request to the bottom of the page. If she got them, she got them.
Amy drove back with 11 cows. Nobody laughed but everybody was impressed.
Rebekah came back with a young Belgian detective, the fifth month, and shouting jam.
(back)
When Felicity came back with 2Pac and fish cakes, her husband fainted.
(back)
Bradley was fed up of having to search behind the lemonades for cocaine sachets.
As he noticed someone else's discarded list for some reason, Kieran mused that cake and fish fingers did indeed appear pleasant in Bengali.
(back)
Linguine and Radox was always a phenomenal night for Winston.
Cody brought back batteries 90% charged.
Even Santa Claus does admin.
(back)
It was clear who the favourite pooch was. Rex was going to get three. Rocco, one.
Amanda was too distracted by the symbols at the bottom. If only she knew.
Jocelyn got her sandwich fillers and, with immense relief, the headache was gone.
As Sandy read up and down, she realised the proposed drainage plan overleaf was not to scale.
(back)
Jess now understood why her father-in-law had called her an "apos-trophy wife".
Stephen knew he was masculine. He didn't need to write it down.
Unfortunately, Julian parked up with a bedtime spread and butter pants.
Joaquin had spelt it wrong, as per.
Mikel bought bread and bread in tubs. He knew he'd messed up.
The kids simply had the best night EVER!
Turns out you can buy moggies as well as learn at Lidl.
(back)
Caroline and Anne's board game nights were legendary for their competitiveness. Never their spread.
(back)
As if it warranted a question! Harry and Ruth did love their McCain's.
Yet again, Darius appeared with saucepans rather than spuds.
Ryan was so angry about the stray apostrophe that he tossed it to the floor. Later, it was picked up by a peculiar man who collects shopping lists.
The French lessons were ever so slowly starting to pay off for Mick.
Bits for what?! Bits for what?! Karla knew there was a story there.
Izzy came back with cheese, salad, and cream. Phillip was angry but understood.
Natasha looked and looked for a Kevin but they had sold out.
Wipes were fuming. They were fed up of being combined with Toilet Rolls again. Handwash could sympathise.
Dettol or petrol? Jack was pretty sure she wouldn't ask for petrol in the main store, but he did love topping up his Mustang.
Iain was left utterly befuddled. Various what?!
Breaking Bad had made it to Morrisons.
Alan knew he was in trouble when he picked up toilet rolls from Poundland instead.
With two C's, two T's, and two S's together, Sally wondered if it would be fun in alphabetical order next time.
Robert thought she'd asked for biscuits twice. He was in for it now. A real space cadet error!
Louise assumed he meant Coco Pops but checked the serial numbers nonetheless.
Fletcher had planned the finest date night in years. This would surely produce the net results projected in that dramatic board meeting.
Jay could not find a washing MC so rented a DJ instead.
Even Connor chuckled to himself when muttering, "She didn't have room when putting that."
Elle did not know why sugar wasn't underlined but it seemed so much more important now.
Sabrina knew Aiden liked his commas but wondered why only milk had one.
If it had been just one thing, Rowen backed himself to not need a list. But once it was two things, he was compelled.
Why was Claudia here if he'd scribbled everything out already?! A spectacular waste of time!
Travis thought children didn't come ready-made but it was on the list so he would search.
(back)
Finley appeared with Golden Delicious stuck with thumb tacks.
(back)
So much time was saved with the missing letters, Adrian knocked 4.8 minutes of his record.
(back)
They all sat silent as nobody wanted to tell Angelica her maths had let her down again. Just like in the accountancy exam.
Corey hoped the nappies would be in better condition than his list.
Declan was so good he did the job of two at five-a-side.
Thankfully, Selena had just been to Staples so had a plethora of pens available.
After Jacob had got everything, he turned it upside down and did it all over again.
Seth entered through the front door with multiple wives. He felt it probably didn't say that because there wouldn't be an F. But it was worth it. For now.
This was the list that kept on giving. They needed a cut and Katie got a papercut.
Duncan got the bread, milk, and chickpeas. Then stepped out to the carwash and came back for the photo frame, eye drops, and hairspray. He had a lot of time.
Grace was always a maverick. There were tick boxes but she still crossed them out.
Lorraine would have liked him to do a letter per square but it was true that he hadn't seen this type of paper since Mr Lench's math classes in 1983.
(back)
Emma knew that was not all he wanted. But these three things is all he got.
Jeffrey backed himself as the funny one so ordered a John Cleese mask.
Terrence needed the needle to sew up the tattered list.
What was despos? Humphrey knew it was something but wasn't properly listening when she told him earlier.
Malcolm took the list to a museum but turns out it was just a shopping list his wife had made him.
Quinn liked chaos and her lists always reflected that.
Nate questioned whether the first item was an order to do something or an order to order something.
Pauline wondered if anybody had ever combined snooker, litter, and shopping lists.
Lewis could no longer tell the difference between the new clear milk lids. He wondered if anybody had ever collected them. They'd be a millionaire.
Alvin could see Colgate and Oral-B. But no Elizabeth.
Bailey hated that three of Faye's exes were on it. Tom, Lee, and the guy she only ever referred to as "Mr Muscle".
Was it a PIN or was she asking for 7,899 loo rolls, thought Elliott.
Nikki could have sworn carrots were on the list. Maybe Melody nabbed them, she mused.
Mel knew Sam liked margarine but enough to put an exclamation mark? She wasn't sure. Maybe it was just a semi-colon.
With just one thing on it, Nick seriously questioned why she thought this list necessary. Until he turned it over.
(back)
Dean was glad of the definition of nectarines and bananas. Otherwise, he would have been looking in the cleaning aisle.
Three sections. Two milks. Sacha couldn't have meant this, could she?
Penelope's argument was that blue and red make purple. Hence, the purple Walkers.
Evie came back with a grandad. He stayed for the korma.
"Is a hoe dog a bitch?" That was what Luis wanted to say but sensibly just grabbed hot dogs.
Saturday, Sunday, and Monday was accounted for. According to their calendar, the world ended on Tuesday. But if it didn't, they'd have some yoghurts left. Kimberley could breathe.
The guy at the till just laughed when Gerald asked about onioneos and lemoneos.
With two bullet points unaccounted for, Louis took it as a sign he had two free hits on whatever he fancied.
It was such art that Leroy felt compelled to sign it.
Ashton thought outlining the top two twice was a little much. Even with it, he still forgot both.
Leslie was sure this supermarket never did them. But then she saw the antlers.
Wilfred had heard you could now get food delivered. So he popped it in the post box and waited in the pub.
(back)
Sophie had been using Excel all morning so picked up milk formula.
Quentin was keen to try this new eco marijuana so put it third on the list. He'd had enough of ecstasy and was placing spare E's anywhere now.
This was the most creative freedom Joel had ever been given. Five was the limit and he got to pick two to his liking!
Archie knew kitchen roll was a late edition. But who wrote it? Was it a trick? Was it like last Halloween?
Zayn arrived back with a selection of A4 packs and a sketchpad. His dad found them the most honest newspapers he had ever read.
Jacinda was flabbergasted when Noel came back to the mansion with navy blue gammon.
Why he hadn't put spring onions next to spring rolls, Valerie could not fathom. She knew nobody else who was so bohemian.
Ronan was so distracted by his really fast racing car that he bought meat for Wednesday and deodorant for the postman.
The cat would be happy but what human food did Camilla want him to get?
Kylian picked up a phone number's worth of items. Since the Navy incident, he always did as he was told.
For a second, Dylan considered whether the Tetley tea bags, Galaxy hot chocolate, posh milk, coconut water, or haemorrhoid gel would be good enough for his mum's birthday. In the end, he went to the pub.
When Tim reported back without his mother-in-law's milk, his wife exclaimed, "It's not all about you!" "I know," he replied, "Just ask courgettes."
Alecia was proud that she managed to mangle it so badly coming back large bread and guilty fruit juice.
It simply had to be done there and then but Andy knew he had messed up when he tried to purchase a whole shop.
Bryan knew it was unlikely but still asked the teenager stacking shelves which aisle the libraries were in.
Hamish rang his mum to confirm she meant shampoo. And again about cling film. When he rang about graps, she told him to just come back to the flat.
Ava knew she would be okay if she got four wines. Mum would manage it.
(back)
Always put your drug orders up top, they told Alasdair in that workshop. People never spot it if its up top, they said.
Jackson managed to only spent £2.43 on this spend. How? Because he panicked about the Canesten and only bought peppers and dried mixed fruit.
Smithy from Gavin and Stacey went peckish that night.
Mason made sure to check out how 'ard each butter was by starting on them. He got battered.
What happened between Veg For Sunday and Stuffing to make them fall out so badly?
Monday 23rd was too far ahead to think about. Even Tegan next door never ordered for more than two days ahead. She does online now. They come straight to her door!
Alfred always said snooker was best when Embassy sponsored it. Nigel disagreed. He said it was too dragged out.
Tyler was suspicious because cat biscuits looked like different writing. He knew his sister had been teaching the kittens new tricks, but this?
Putting fruit at the bottom of the list seemed like madness to Charlotte. It's the first thing you see! However, she did it in reverse. It's what he would’ve wanted.
It wasn't underlined so John came back with a Keith alongside Dolmio bolognaise sauce and milk.
Because this film was an 18, Aiden was surprised his mum let him watch it.
(back)
It was at this point that Chester broke down. There were no decent fresh cheesecakes.
Ant could take a guess at what was for dinner that night but couldn't guarantee it anymore after the curry incident.
Everything was written with such authority. Reggie was worried that eggs weren't yet sure enough of themselves.
Ethan prioritised the underlined things. It was a lottery.
Why was the hosiery in black and the rest in blue? For some reason, Caleb picked up blue tights for her.
Carlos arrived with July and August to disappointed faces in the kitchen.
Whether it was stuff for hospital or hospitality, Ben still thought paper plates would be a good purchase.
Linda was over the moon by spending less than the ton budget. Unfortunately, she only bought three things.
David got the telly magazine and went for a squiggle. He needed a sit down and could've done with a paper too.
Jayden thought it was saying he could only buy either beans, bacon, or mushrooms. He said it wasn't his fault.
The drawing of the egg made Deacon's life so much easier.
Luke didn't normally do the kids' friends' parties. So how was he meant to know Jake and Alex were separate people?
Rumour is that this is still the most successful shopping outing that Daniel's entire family had ever had. So much so that they left it in the trolley to inspire future generations.
Kyle must have been signing autographs at the time. Why else would you be carrying a pen like that?
Taylor couldn't complain. He doubted the instruction was just to stop and stare at the baskets, but he did it all the same.
(back)
Sarah brought back Thomas Ascot, Tommy Wright, and Tom Forsyth.
Although he knew his grandma liked to smoke, Patrick still thought she was asking for old clothing to wash the Mondeo with.
Bleach wasn't turning 30 until next year but it was so hard to find a 29th card.
Why he insisted the tissues be brown, Julia never wanted to know.
Nathan asked where he could put the rest of the bag as he took the required single Dorito.
It was his own list but still Jeremy had no idea what he meant by it.
Henry pondered whether something had secretly been removed towards the end so felt it best to destroy the document immediately after reading.
And so the most romantic night of Rebecca's life was soon to begin as Alexander diligently ticked things off his list.
Jason really wanted to test just how all-purpose it was by buying a lawnmower in the sale there and seeing if it made the blades sharper. It did not. It confirmed his moronic hypothesis.
Leah had been learning about all the different saints at school. But she had not yet heard of St. Beans.
Jon felt pressured having to bring the right breed and a queen.
The full stop at the end was final. Like an artist's sign off. Bridget was done.
Blake wondered if the bottom two had been relegated or whether it was a PSR thing.
Although he thought he knew what she meant, Joseph was pretty sure this place would never sell the sort of plugs he was imagining.
Sara had been planning this hot bath for a while but was fuming when Carlton got home with bathroom cleaning equipment.
Pete knew she meant crisps but the idea of him driving with used nappies made him chuckle in Aisle 4.
Tristan had to wonder just how much time leaving two letters out saved her on double cream. Ironically, the time he spent wondering this meant he had to extend his time on the parking app.
Alice suddenly panicked thinking she had scribbled over the wrong bit and her son would get on the bus with a new dog.
Because last night had been a heavy one, Steven was not surprised he had picked up 500 vinegars.
Bobby was a very popular customer. He always tipped on his way out.
In her anger at the Post Office scandal, Yvonne refused to visit there. In the end, she was glad the local Morrisons had a post-box beside the Peppa Pig ride machine.
Raquel had been accused too many times of searching for a drug dealer so made sure her shorthand for root vegetables left no interpretation.
The pooch was covered. The kitty was covered. The horse was covered. Now for the boring biscuits for her husband. Miriam was ready for the till.
Kayleigh only had a fiver on her but the scones seemed the most important bit. Milk missed out this time. Next time, milk. Next time.
The change in writing was one thing. The lack of values caused mayhem with the Hendersons' weekly shop.
Another case of someone going to Waitrose and coming back with a Tom, Tommy, and Thomas.
As an Oxford professor of literature, Matthew appreciated the irony of her coming back with tomatoes, oregano, and breadsticks.
The football party felt a little different. Some said it was because it was a boring 0-0. Others said it was because Mark's girlfriend had bought teddies rather than Carlings.
Fruit Teas, Teas, and Coffee were doing everybody else's heads in. They always stuck together and bitched about the other items.
70 curries were ordered that night. Nobody moved the next day.
The time he saved shortening the items enabled Jonnie to swear another two times at the slow trolley mover in Aisle 9.
Having done a few years at MI5, Kate could tell the two capital M's were different. She sent it off for analysis and completely forgot to get bread.
With a first date to look forward to tomorrow, Mike wasn't sure it was the best thing to buy. But he went for it and got the cat food.
The difference between washing up liquid and washing liquid had already cause fractures in the household. Harriet was glad he'd learned his lesson but knew she could still use it for a future argument.
It was just a coincidence that his artist's signature looked like gratitude. She knew it was that because Trevor never ever thanked her.
Kieran took it as mockery of his speech impediment at first. Thankfully, he soon realised it didn't mean ready meals, but wholemeal.
(back)
Petrol and gas were the same thing in his eyes but Eithan did as he was told and went home with an illegal supply of nitrous oxide.
As a book publisher, it was natural that Maximilian enlarge the first letter on everything. Rachel, however, was sad to see her husband had supplied no glossary.
What had caused the riff between the top and bottom items was unclear to Chris and so he thought it better to keep them separate in the Mondeo.
Whatever news the letter brought, Sonny would have a right good knees-up with plenty of salad bits.
(back)
This was Abi's night and her night alone.
When Lily picked up Gideon's list, she guessed rightly about why the jumbo opaque sacks and washing liquid were left alone.
His pet name for her was Honey so she wondered if this were a secret letter directed to her. However, with the absent comma, she just bought everything on it instead.
Leaving little evidence behind, Roger had indeed got them something easy for supper.
Andrea was told there would be a shopping list for her and a poem for her sister to take. She left the shopping list and picked up the poem instead. She was sure because of the heading and semi-colons.
Katherine had recently come back from a sabbatical in the USA so thought it a bit off that she was expected to entice all of Congress to her dingy Peckham apartment.
The lovely lady at the till helped with three down. She had done it on her break. They had made her take the early one so Sue wasn't a happy teddy bear.
As he was in Lidl, Myles was a little scared asking which aisle the Asdas were. In the end, he made a wasted journey to Walmart's office unaware they were no longer involved.
When he asked the store assistant if she could show him his butter, Greg was politely asked to leave.
Luke couldn't believe his girlfriend had mistaken the V for an R and got them a whole new registration plate.
Daisy blushed as she read the little pet name they used for each other. They would always be each other's cauliflowers.
Everything was now sorted except the smelly flat. They would have rather the store run out of sugar and eggs than the very things Adam and Leo needed to cover the stench.
Laurence's mum just had to laugh when he parked up with other people's dirty dishes crammed into his boot.
Dorothy was horrified by the language. Never in all her years as a prison warden had she heard lavatories referred to in that way.
Why oh why she thought he would forget was beyond him! Still, Jimbo did forget and came back with six barbecues and a gazebo.
Two pizzas were bought but Gabriel was never confident this was the instruction.
He didn't understand why she would have said to get supper. That was obvious. It was only on the way home did Rufus realise it was sugar.
Even with his bartending experience, Pepe was still not confident what exactly constituted this sized beverage.
Being an engineer, Bryn ensured he measured every curly fry. The prehistoric raptors proved substantially more difficult.
Gary couldn't recall a Vinnie so was sure it must have been a brand. Turns out it was his best mate who he'd only known as "Diggsy" for the past twenty years.
Rhys' team was way better than Tony's. They were in better form and had Big Mozz.
Neil didn't know why Bill would need two but still picked up 12 o'clock and 4 o'clock for him. He put back the peak times.
The wacky baccy order at the end went unnoticed through security, but a keen-eyed cashier was able to point Kerry on his way.
Jane didn't like to make a big thing about it but, having forgotten them last time, it was so important the PG Tips were here for the next meeting.
Blaming Skylar was not big and was certainly not clever.
Maria put an offer in for the telecommunications giant but never expected to hear back so fast. She definitely needed the lottery ticket now.
Did the O have an accent above it? How would that change how he said tommies? Would Larry have to try it when asking around in the store?
Was it a love heart or was it a tick? She hadn't ticked it. Rose hadn't even gone anywhere near the crisps aisle. So it must have been a love heart. But was it for her?
The problem was he didn't drink so had no idea what was popular. He grabbed a WKD crate because he could've sworn he'd seen her have it once. Leah actually loved it. It would be perfect for her sister's shower.
Looking at it, Olive had a flashback to when their five-a-side captain grilled her for passing at her, not into space ahead of her.
(back)
He took the £18 and his CV and Martin started his own business called Gammon and Salmon.
Marrying a teacher meant that he feared the red pen. This time, at least, Jerome could relax.
Like a salmon, it leapt upstream across the page fold.
The manager set the team up in a 2-3-1-4-1 formation.
Tom's sauce could not be bought. It could not be extracted without his express permission. Luckily, tonight, Keeley had every permission in the world.
Two orders for Callum's special weed was fine. But asking for four bakery variants was ridiculous on a Tuesday night during half-term.
How was Uriah meant to get it yesterday?! Why had she put that? He could no longer time-travel ever since the operation and she knew it.
She was right. The scientific formula for juice was correct. He found it next to Matilda's rice.
(back)
Was it a slash after lemonade or a tick? Did he want with it or a single tissue? In the end, Poppy gathered him a solo Sprite and a box of tissues.
Baz could see tea for Wednesday, coffee for Thursday, and hot chocolate for Friday. But that is not what he'd been asked to locate.
To scratch out so much only made Nicola ashamed. It was a piece of art and now it was ruined.
(back)
Could it have been an instruction? Was Damian meant to capture a sweet-flavoured dairy product or simply accost one and let it go?
Frozen what?! Liam had to act quickly so took the lot. The entire freezer aisle. Would Maria mind?
He panicked and read it as "death spray". Rick knew his father was similar to Darth Vader in so many ways but he never thought he would want one.
Remember that all of these lists have been littered and any resemblance to actual persons is entirely coincidental.
The only apology needed was for the misspelling of the cereal and then its eradication. Gustavo would never have done this.
(back)
Having never drunk wine himself, Nathaniel thought it meant a trapeze and he did like that Zendaya in The Greatest Showman.
Being "away" for 27 years, Will had no idea what Cif was. He assumed it was from abroad.
They liked to do Sudoku together but not Hangman. Never Hangman. So what was this? It baffled Martha.
Although it was good he put the date, George's teacher was eager to point out he hadn't put the learning objectives again before answering the questions.
Her curves were one of the reasons Simon married her. His inability to buy what she wanted was the reason they both now went to the cinema alone.
Lydia knew she had to prioritise the front items. Or the back? Or the front? The decision was simply too hard. In the end, she ate the profiteroles in the car.
(back)
Elijah could only marvel at the illustrations on the back. He had no interest in the listed items now so went home with flowers. Nine different bouquets.
(back)
Between five and 40 seemed a huge range. That is why Betty decided to grab 32 milks.
Robyn had always said that they were a mirror of each other. But now she could see their different approaches to consumerism, she had other ideas.
(back)
Dave ended up debating her best songs with the chap at the till. They were both Bond fans so they had the number one but couldn't agree on a top three.
(back)
Lance couldn't spell courgette but mercifully this week's letter was Z in the game with his girlfriend. 26 weeks well spent.
When she brought back a single orange, he couldn't complain. Amanda was safe.
(back)
The love heart and inclusion of her mum was sending Jim mad. Was she being nice before her mother was staying? Had he told her how long she was staying?
Alison was smug about her squash selection. One tropical and one butternut.
Yep, it had enough letters. It said sweep. Supermarket Sweep! Janet got her trolley ready! It didn't matter that nobody else was playing.
Originally, he had put bread. But it had to be French. It was the city of love. Ronnie knew it would work.
The middle E had become an ordinal. Staring at spreadsheets all day was having an impact on Jan.
The queue in the biscuit aisle was tremendous irony, thought Clarissa.
The double underline made it clear. If he messed this up, it was the end for Kris.
Jonny read it far too quickly so went to grab bread with both hands.
Without the time saved on writing prescription in full, Bill would never have been able to successfully put a fourth item down.
The little kite after jam meant something. If only Guy knew.
People said he was a simple man with simple plans. But they didn't know. They knew nothing about Zachary.
It was rather fortuitous that Aunty Edith was at the time on a Nordic cruise so she could pop out when they next landed. A happy ending.
(back)
Diana was in a rage. She'd asked him to stop calling her that. He started all his letters to her that way.
She just had to guess at what the other items. In the end, Isla just got a lot of wine.
Apparently, cabbages only came in bags, not pots. So Muhammad came home with nothing. He had failed at the first hurdle and was distraught.
(back)
Imogen began looking for something that was the complete juxtaposition of milk.
Alfie was the work experience lad but even he thought it unfair to expect him to do their taxes as well as shop run.
(back)
He had been waiting for this night all week. A bit of Rob time.
If only the mushrooms swapped their lawless C for sauce's errant S. Calm would then prevail.
Several peas didn't seem many but she had asked for it so that is what Doug got.
That wasn't a number. It could not possibly be a number. The two above had a number and an X. So how many deodorants was he after? It was just not clear enough to Muriel.
Kev knew she loved chippies but to put them twice was an insult. Especially after what happened at Easter.
The work-do the night before was a heavy one so the words moved about a bit on the page. Turns out Jaqueline was never after 40 bottles of Pepsi.
Little did Ray know that the rest was written in invisible ink outside the brackets. He detested maths at school.
Pat got his food but was eyeing up the Luna's treats too.
He'd finally written down his best man options. Picking one of them would be the hardest bit for Harrison.
This was certainly the smartest envelope Carol had met. She had never seen one with a bowtie.
Maria put a second offer in for the telecommunications giant. She definitely needed the lottery ticket. AGAIN!
Even Mitch's mates reckoned someone was having him on. That last item made his face go so red when he had to ask for it.
Buying 2,000 coffee seemed elaborate to Maureen but it was going to be a large community event. In the end, 1,997 were not used.
Clara's mum made her put the boring stuff at the end. She thought she had got away without them.
Pearls and tabs were often mistaken. Have you seen The Simpsons episode where Lisa wears a Bold necklace?
He still thought the five-match ban was excessive but it did mean Callum could drink what he wanted.
(back)
Stuart thought it ironic that this list could really have done with some protective plastic.
You had one job, Timmy. One job.
Jasmine lost five million pounds by putting her PIN. But she did get a Chomp.
They were good prices for everybody but Deirdre did like that her grandson, daughter, husband, and sister got bits.
As many times as he read it, Ed still had no idea what or who the chocolate was for.
There was a gargantuan difference between Smarties and wine gums. Fraser knew it. She must have known it. So why do this to him?!
Belle had recently joined Women Into Manufacturing and Engineering so understood what was required.
He had so much to fit into today but none of them were food. It was ridiculous to think Tony could eat all this on the move.
Theo got there at 9:35 and waited until 21:58 for when the spuds had aged.
Callum enjoyed his pot so much that the giant iceberg started floating towards him.
There must have been more to this. There had to be. Where was the rest? At the end of the day, it wasn't Jean's problem so she just got what was there.
Damon was ready to commit fraud thinking he had found someone's bank details. However, in a fortuitous turn of events, he won that night's EuroMillions.
She went off in a huff. This was silly. Just one thing on a ripped bit of paper. Victoria wasn't going to make the effort today.
Were the two letters at the top a code? Had Alexandra married a spy? Was she being play for a fool?
(back)
Time and time again he asked where to find cringeworthy chips. Nobody could direct Fabio.
(back)
Half a kilo of milk seemed an odd amount but in a rare moment of serendipity, Freddie had his scales on him.
Now Maria owned Vodafone, she had businesses taxes as well as council tax to worry about.
This was utter chaos. Florence took one look and wanted out.
But it wasn't Thursday 23rd. It was Sunday 11th! Jimmy did his best but wondered if the best-before dates would be skew-whiff too.
(back)
He would never fail to recall that lady’s fingers. Never. Albert loved telling the now legendary story.
(back)
Brandon lifted the peanut butter up and saw its reversed reflection in the mirror. It seemed right to him.
A pleasant change to do a simple drug drop for Josh. A nice simple order.
In his first outing after passing his test, Lucas was happy to do the family shopping. He even managed to get the first item from a tree in the car park.
(back)
It wasn't a large list. Or wide. But it had to be that way with them blowing their budget on the England quick with the second-most wickets.
They always seemed to be at right-angles to each other but it worked for Hayley and Monty, even if others didn't see it.
All for under a pony and Lady Godiva? Easy for Ricardo. He'd once appeared on Bargain Hunt. And, according to the fellas down the club, made sure everyone knew!
With the whacky spelling of tobacco, everybody would always know that Darren was the coolest koala in town.
What possibly could the blue bit mean? Samantha felt it likely just a pen test but who would know? She'd have to text her PI ex-boyfriend.
Nothing could compare to the way she did her lists. She even signed them.
For once, they were over the cosh.
Why she wanted him to get fleas, he had no idea. But he always did as he was told so Teddy obliged.
The calligraphy was so precise that it took him three hours to put together. Unfortunately for Cam, the Co-op had shut by the time he was done.
Hayfever tablets were no longer a must. Terry could run through as many fields as she wanted now.
Life was always a gamble for Big Stevo. He even wrote his groceries on playing cards. One for every week of the year.
To cross things off rather than use the tick boxes was anarchy to Juliet. Come to think of it, they weren’t even boxes.
Although he suspected her family had ties to the Mafia, he thought it excessive for Tom to be chopped when they brought him in.
Callum was now off the pot. For good.
Still off it. Officially.
Lenny was ecstatic. He'd always wanted baked beans on medium-done toast.
Thursday 29th was the greatest day of their young lives. Cauliflower on the same day as beef paste! What a time to be alive for Robbie!
The Mafia were onto the Toms. Or as they called them: "Freezer food".
The Mafia's biggest rivals were also on the look out for Toms. They were known for "tinning" them.
Pink tights AND leggings! This hen-do was to be the best yet for Jen.
Why was he calling Margarine a regular mastubater? They weren't at the football where that is perfectly acceptable.
(back)
So it was really just one thing he wanted. If he couldn't decide, don't put anything down. That was Olivia's rule.
Even outside of school, you could not take the teacher out of Janice.
"Chicken, bleach, and lemonade?" "Yeah, that's Matty's bread and butter."
Eleanor had so many tabs open in her mind that any more would be too much. It's why she would never type her lists. The screen would freeze.
Douglas had to remember to pick up Dairy Lee before going out. They'd all called him this since school when he found out he was lactose intolerant.
There surely was no such thing as a "chips dessert" but he would give it a go. In the end, Benjamin mixed some McCains with a trifle.
Now Sadie had heard everything. Parrots at Morrisons! Next they'd be saying there was a way to combine snooker and psittaciformes. She calmed herself by watching an old rerun of A Question of Sport.
Paul landed back with a fifth of the Guardians of the Galaxy. His kids loved it.
The time Danni saved leaving letters out allowed her to shave 2.7 minutes off her wrapping PB.
(back)
If it had just passed, would it still be fresh? Emily thought not.
The bags would mainly be used for honey and teapots so needed to be sturdy, knew Fernando.
Did she want him to take charge more? Did she just want tea-making facilities? Rory guessed he would find out when he got home.
(back)
Lawrence went straight to the footballs and over-inflated one to breaking point.
She got so hungry in the queue at the self-service counter that Brenda munched on the corner. It wasn't great.
Mother had wanted to send him off with a torn bit of the old the icing sugar box. But Gregory knew best.
(back)
Pudding was only on the menu at the weekends in Pam's house. You had to earn it by doing hoops for half an hour.
Joanne was cursing her luck. She'd written her number down and torn it off for the cute guy. But she now had to chase him round the store to see what item she was missing.
Ron entered the flat with so many different types of boxers. She'd wanted a Peace lily.
Her dog had wrestled for the list but she came out on top. Annoyingly, Buddy's teeth moved the letters about so they were now misspelt.
The crossed-out bits could be a skip code. Francis had heard of them in a Sherlock episode on the BBC.
As a plumber, everyone assumed he would find them before anybody else. But even Wayne couldn't find them in the veg section.
Postie Ralph did so well knowing exactly where this was being sent: Aisles 8, 2, 5, 9, then 3.
Kayla knew she'd made an error when she looked for bull's milk. That nearby field never saw her coming.
Gammon with custard. Reuben's favourite.
Lamb tend to be small breeds but it didn't stop Gloria doubting herself.
No spelling errors. No scribbles. This was her most perfect work yet. Mia added A4 frame to it to get later.
When Billy was young, he often wondered whether everybody saw, heard, or smelt things differently. This is why abstract concepts were less than useful here.
Three and five had been redacted. They would find out after Ruby's trial.
Spencer made a rod for his own back when he fell in the car park.
Angie certainly didn't have time to play Hangman to work out the first item.
(back)
Little Craig made sure mummy knew what she was doing by labelling it at the bottom. He also ensured books would not be in the trolley. It was the summer holidays! Toys!
(back)
Pep was worried about his midfield so was glad when the till boy asked if he needed help packing it.
(back)
Thankfully, Britain's Got Talent auditions were happening round the corner so Regan managed to grab one or two.
Jarrod wrote it down on everything he could. They had tortured him but he'd overheard them say it twice thinking he was unconscious. Could these three words end the war?
(back)
He was told that X marked the spot. But there was no X. Elon had lost over 51% of it now.
This was found by the seashore. Plenty of sponges needed for Anton.
Jules knew she already had shower gel so wondered if she needed a laptop.
Cockney Connor asked the boy doing stacking the healthy yoghurts where he could purchase a bottle.
He couldn't wait to be older. Ricky would then be able to do grocery lists of his own.
"Turn a day on its head." That's what Nana used to tell him.
What a win! Nothing from the list but a victory all the same for Diane.
(back)
It was all "me, me, me" with her. Now Garth knew why she insisted they call the pooch Mimi.
(back)
All of them stuck to the lines but Ciggs had to be different. Always different. Prick.
Flipper was used to human-made cages but this shopping trolley took the piss.
The fans were kettled to stop things kicking off. Guava's insults could still be heard over the fence though.
A lottery win would always be useful to Maria. The previous council tax bill was a joke!
She was trying to a list of all B's. Her boyfriend asked for why. So Tiffany did yoghurts.
Equals signs always live outside the brackets on Excel. What was Nancy playing it?!
James knew he needed to spot the hidden words within the text. But surely "get past chips" was too simple a task for the level of spy he now was?!
What the bloody hell happened here?! What bloody went down?!
Maurice is a legend. Everybody knows. He just needs a PR team. Or by the look of this, a RP team. They are so similar.
This meal deal was weird. Decent for £3.50 though for Edmund.
You put your right ton in. You take your left ton out. And you shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn around… people were now getting annoyed behind Howard in the queue.
Tinker Bell was busy but her grandmother was free tottering about in the fresh aisle. She took the call.
Numbers go in the squares! How many times did he need to hear it?! She now had concerns about the budget for the France and Spain trips.
She tried her best not to show it. She really did. But Caroline was annoyed she only got four large chickens on her birthday.
Luca and the lady that worked there both knelt down as low as they could but neither could see the teeth. Luckily, a dentist walked past and pulled it from the shelf.
(back)
Every single thing was got apart from the fungi. Flo couldn't believe she could forget them. Today of all days! On the eagerly-anticipated biannual Village Sunflower Bonanza!
(back)
With a general election in the offing, Lyndsey got ready for the hustings. They always got bored and hungry during those.
Libby came home with a bag full of groceries and a bag full of nothing. She said this was her bag that laqed.
With so many answers not marked, how was Theodore meant to know if he had left any points out there?
(back)
Riley scratched and scratched the scratchcard and won faeces.
They would be in a church for it but even Reverend Justin thought turning this lot into enough for everyone required a miracle.
(back)
How was Harvey meant to know which is red?! They were all clear now thanks to that silly Government in power. At least that's what grandad would say. It was different in his day.
The world's strongest woman had licked the envelope and the world's strongest man opened it.
(back)
Arlo got the white sauce but not the right sauce *wink, wink* to enjoy with paracetamol.
She had smashed it! Crushed it! Ivy put stars on everybody’s faces.
Cucumber and celery had to stick together after what happened at last year's Christmas party. Nobody said they had photos of it but they knew. They knew.
Jillian wouldn't need the diffuser if she gave up the smoking. Two Polos wouldn't suffice for it either.
(back)
It was a hit list. Once Stanley was dead, Kai's marijuana dynasty there for the taking.
(back)
Another case of a cue being looked for and never found in Morrisons. This was the worst snooker case DCI Biders had seen since the 1980s.
Ibrahim's level of organisation was becoming the talk of the town. The ladies loved his dating spreadsheet and date-night meal allocations.
Sex, drugs, and sausage rolls. Minus the sex. That was Oakley's life now.
He agreed they could give each other pet names if they were at home, but this was too soft for him. Donovan nearly threw up.
13 annanas was an odd request but Mavis muddled through and came back with what she thought was best.
It wasn't Morse code. It wasn’t Braille. So what was the dot for? Eric had done his time. Served his country. Was he being dragged back into the game?
The girls had promised they'd given up the Blackjack but here they were again getting grandad involved. Mum would find out. Only they used pink Post-It notes.
Peas knew it was different. Penned with a different implement. And what had Beans done?
(back)
Amber brought home a small dramatic dish, a seven-slide Microsoft PowerPoint presentation, and cream.
However much these weeter things cost, Mitchell just could not balance the books.
Everyone knew it said that number. Everyone giggled. Everyone except Johanna. She knew the writing was on the wall. Pinned to it.
(back)
Was she making the cake or buying the cake? It was utterly unclear to Cillian. He couldn't ring her. Not again.
The police had separated the two groups but were worried Bookers was going to break through. So they took him down.
Was Madeleine feeling Foie gras, romance, or a best before? The lad at the till did seem nice so she made a note of it.
Oscar tried for the clothing but it was just a faff.
(back)
Jibby was loved and finally had a seedless, easy-peel cultivar of mandarin orange of Japanese origin that she could believe in. This would be the turning point.
In 10 years, it would be completely faded, Ken knew. Just like some of Tutankhamun's sweeties lists.
(back)
Three pens but four people. Who had contributed nothing to the task? Lord Sugar was not going to be happy. Especially as all Desmond had done was add fish.
Only 8% of the list remained but the police were able to identify the pattern. With this, they could solve the case of the decade.
Banana's what?! Banana's what?! What was the customer about to take from Banana?
Seven and eight were to die. None of that seven eating nine joke stuff. It was serious. It was over for them.
Celeste picked up a Noel, Hank, and Marlon. Three fathers. Lucky girl.
Was it Lidl and Aldi? Was it a list and an Aldi poem? Gideon did like poetry. He had won that competition in '83. But this didn't rhyme. Was this what counts as poetry nowadays?!
Grapes had tried to sneak in but there was no way the human would buy them. Surely!
The postman had drawn his distant daughter's face everyday on an envelope. People had always joked she at number 57 looked like him.
(back)
The top three teams in the world were seeded. They would now have to wait for the qualifiers to conclude to find out who the fourth would be.
Rio knew nothing about domestic cleaning so tried to make some maple throw up.
Leonard had broken into the circle business but wouldn't afford to buy out the square just yet.
Oil had snuck in. It was so greasy. Always squirming.
Dogs couldn't be milked. She knew that. So what was it, Mabel thought. She had already made one mistake when she asked around for a Hannah who likes her name shortened.
(back)
Gill was an experienced shopper but even she would struggle to find the very concept of a meal. Asking for items that make up a meal was fine, but not this.
Nanny H was a born winner. She'd rest now using the ice to cover the injuries while she watched Countdown. Then she would smash Saturday's 60s disco night down at Dukes.
(back)
Collette had been left a section to fill in herself. Only one this time. Next time, she would get two if she passed.
Time travel was possible, Reginald knew. But just to see Tina's history? Not worth it.
(back)
The brackets would not keep Beefy away from the opposition fans. Even after the knife slashing, Sliced Beef was still top boy around here.
Sylvia submitted the design to MoonPig but they weren't interested. She got angry and threw it down in Morrisons.
(back)
The letter never got anywhere. 13,483 times. Edwin was stood by the postbox for the 13,484th time now.
She would ask him to stop doing this when she got back. They were all singular. One of everything. None of this number and cross nonsense for Maxine.
(back)
Roland picked up a trio of Scottish chickens. He loved it when he could kill two…
The home XI had its team down early. The away team was messing about in two groups angering the match officials.
The way Alicia read it, it had definitely sounded like "Forget pasta". It definitely did. Definitely. That's what she could tell herself.
Done. Romeo done!
"Clubs sorted," muttered Mya to herself. The kids would be happy after school now. Then she saw the comma.
Kane was a genius when it came to shortening words. Just a shame he forgot where to spray his Lynx Africa.
(back)
Toilet rolls never belonged with bread. Ever. So what was happening here? In the end, Evangeline used the Andrex for the barbecue.
Otis broke the first writing rule when he went sideways. After that, the regulations didn't really matter.
Francesca had heard of John West Tuna but not this.
Completed it, mate.
(back)
Fairy doesn't do washing machines. What was Daphne on about?!
Historians to this day still argue whether the tobacco request has a please, PS, or artist signature after it.
Amir was a player. Three girls. Two bouquets. The other would get cotton wool.
In the pink Fiat on the return journey were Phoebe, a couple of managing directors, and poor meal deals.
Too many letters were missing. Lawson worked for Royal Mail.
Nine small panic attacks later, Tori had it all in the trolley. She screwed it up and threw it to the bottom. There it would stay for days.
The editorial features had gone a tad downhill as of late. Nevertheless, Rosalyn was keen to scan over the Cheese interview.
(back)
No honey. Absurd.
Where else?! Where else?! Sonny raged all the way home.
Lara was a bit miffed her boyfriend came back with egg juice. She put it in the neighbourhood WhatsApp group so people could come over and see his stupidity.
The first five lines had been left for Thea to fill out. But nobody told her.
She gave him just one Bag For Life yet Hayden was meant to bring back a telly. Ridiculous.
Robin could see where previous lists had been penned. Their imprints were there for everyone to see. No denying.
Axl knew he had made a mistake when he unpacked the tinned cheese and eggs.
Red grapes clearly got more attention than the rest. Garlic would try but couldn't be arsed.
The whole family was meant to be able to add to it but Micah forgot to BCC it.
Rolls, sausage rolls, and Rolls Royce engines. It is all Claude knew.
Ice cream was fuming to be on the subs bench again.
Keep going, Callum.
(back)
Milk was out of the picture. Enough said.
With milk out of the picture again, Phil was happy to see the sequel but felt the original Bleach's plot would be a hard act to follow.
Hope could not find the Eastern European antiperspirant.
Bernard had made a feeble effort to destroy the evidence. He had popped out for bread earlier in the morning and could've got the rest then as well.
(back)
Ezra knew that Br was bromine - a deep red noxious liquid and a member of the halogen elements. But what had that got do with anything?
She had experience with cocks but not the females. Matias tired to Google it but saw things she didn't want to.
Was Elisha asking for two juices or was she correcting his spelling?
(back)
Raymond was happy with his super bacon and average noodles.
Clive made it clear there were two sides to every story.
Milk had slipped down into the relegation zone. Perennial winner to this. What next?!
Commas?! Commas?! Do it vertically, Martina!
Grayson had always been good at mathematics. One was only ever smaller than all the other whole numbers. However, maths did not help him when he brought home whiffy eggs and fish.
Everything got. Everything! This was the best day for Lexie since she won a million on the Lotto.
(back)
Technically, you could only ever get something if they had it there. But today was not the day for Sebastian to raise that with her.
Zak only liked good bread. Friendly bread. Helpful bread. None of that selfish loaf.
What was he prepared to write next to the misspelled biscuits? Was it an annotation? Jesse never corrected himself. Was this to be the first time?
Such solid gaps. Maeve always left them for changes but none ever came. She was perfect.
This was the worst essay Mr Moore had ever seen. Harley had done it in the car before the dog nibbled it.
It was Lenor not a loner that had been crossed off and ostracised.
She wanted hot cross buns. Noel brought home two raging bulls.
Milk was now rising up the table. The fans were still on the chairman's back but they were at least picking up points now.
(back)
UPPER CASE! UPPER CASE! Violet wanted everything in upper case!
30 milks and 29 tiger breads was excessive but it was the only way Scarlett would learn.
(back)
Dwayne couldn't find them as crisps so smashed the spaghetti up with a rolling pin when he got back.
Whatever Samuel did, he just could not get rid of that fart.
Regrettably, Holly saw the Y's flick and mistook it for a slash. The foil could not be found without the tin.
Three out of five were C's. If only Bella had requested crusty rolls and cameo apples.
Suzie toured every aisle but she could only see kettle steam. Difficult to grab but pointless anyway as that's not what he asked for.
The creator of the Eggs.Milk.Bread. gallery is suing.
Why was Carter suddenly altering his idiolect?! He probably had not idea what the 4 meant. He just wanted to look cool to the grandkids.
Raisins on the front and dates on the back.
(back)
Ted would always shift for members of His Majesty's armed forces.
Turns out E45 was not another night club like the one that used to be in Eastenders. Hugo hadn't missed an episode for 17 years.
Horses, cats, and dogs. The B side to Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves.
Rylan wasn't even making apple crumble. He just liked them as their own entity.
The Post-it Notes were not cutting it anymore for Angus. Time to upgrade.
Milk was given a roaming role on the pitch.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get a meal, it seems.
NOT CHERRY! NOT CHERRY! Paloma did not get cherry.
One onion, a single broccoli, and a lone nut. It was a lame meal prep kit but what Shelby asked for.