Isaac was confused when he opened the envelope and it read "Hppy Brthdy". For someone with a double vowel in his name, he knew their importance.

Derek drove home with a quarter of ABBA.

Sandra was bewildered when her hubby parked up with the U2 frontman in the passenger seat. Yet again, he hadn't found what he was looking for even with a list.

Helena was only on the third day of her production internship at Ready Steady Cook and was worried she'd missed something.

There was chaos as Joe knew it meant cheese but fancied getting a bit of a rook from chess instead.

Michael knew he must get half a dozen onions. It simply was not worth coming back with five.

That's when Julie knew it couldn't be drugs. It was pot plural.

Marcus certainly did not understand what he was volunteering for.

Belinda always thought Andrew didn't listen. She knew when he sauntered back with Christmas crackers.

Onions, oils, and oats. Ruth ended up just getting as many of them as possible. All the O's. Even a ring doughnut.

Vince was looking at properties with a massive room and acres of land.

Alexa felt silly asking the member of staff about chicken soup pads. Especially when the supervisor was called over.

The lack of decisiveness gave Casey options but he would have much preferred to know exactly what she wanted.

(back)

Vivien was perplexed when she drew out a lads magazine from the bag her grandson had got her from the local shop.

Was she saying they already had Kievs? Wanted Kievs? Needs Kievs? Leon picked up some just to be safe.

Date night was ready. Carl was excited.

What Peas had done, nobody knew. But they had certainly done something.

Rhiannon's boyfriend was a clever guy. But she was concerned about his understanding of the Gregorian calendar.

Mo left the naughty request to the bottom of the page. If she got them, she got them.

Amy drove back with 11 cows. Nobody laughed but everybody was impressed.

Rebekah came back with a young Belgian detective, the fifth month, and shouting jam.

(back)

When Felicity came back with 2Pac and fish cakes, her husband fainted.

(back)

Bradley was fed up of having to search behind the lemonades for cocaine sachets.

As he noticed someone else's discarded list for some reason, Kieran mused that cake and fish fingers did indeed appear pleasant in Bengali.

(back)

Linguine and Radox was always a phenomenal night for Winston.

Demetrius brought back batteries 90% charged.

Even Santa Claus does admin.

(back)

It was clear who the favourite pooch was. Rex was going to get three. Rocco, one.

Amanda was too distracted by the symbols at the bottom. If only she knew.

Joselyn got her sandwich fillers and, with immense relief, the headache was gone.

As Sandy read up and down, she realised the proposed drainage plan overleaf was not to scale.

(back)

Jess now understood why her father-in-law had called her an "apos-trophy wife".

Stephen knew he was masculine. He didn't need to write it down.

Unfortunately, Julian parked up with a bedtime spread and butter pants.

Joaquin had spelt it wrong, as per.

Mikel bought bread and bread in tubs. He knew he'd messed up.

The kids simply had the best night EVER!

Turns out you can buy moggies as well as learn at Lidl.

(back)

Caroline and Anne's board game nights were legendary for their competitiveness. Never their spread.

(back)

As if it warranted a question! Harry and Ruth did love their McCain's.

Yet again, Darius appeared with saucepans rather than spuds.

Ryan was so angry about the stray apostrophe that he tossed it to the floor. Later, it was picked up by a peculiar man who collects shopping lists.

The French lessons were ever so slowly starting to pay off for Mick.

Bits for what?! Bits for what?! Karla knew there was a story there.

Izzy came back with cheese, salad, and cream. Phillip was angry but understood.

Natasha looked and looked for a Kevin but they had sold out.

Wipes were fuming. They were fed up of being combined with Toilet Rolls again. Handwash could sympathise.

Dettol or petrol? Jack was pretty sure she wouldn't ask for petrol in the main store, but he did love topping up his Mustang.

Iain was left utterly befuddled. Various what?!

Breaking Bad had made it to Morrisons.

Alan knew he was in trouble when he picked up toilet rolls from Poundland instead.

With two C's, two T's, and two S's together, Sally wondered if it would be fun in alphabetical order next time.

Robert thought she'd asked for biscuits twice. He was in for it now. A real space cadet error!

Louise assumed he meant Coco Pops but checked the serial numbers nonetheless.

Fletcher had planned the finest date night in years. This would surely produce the net results projected in that dramatic board meeting.

Jay could not find a washing MC so rented a DJ instead.

Even Connor chuckled to himself when muttering, "She didn't have room when putting that."

Elle did not know why sugar wasn't underlined but it seemed so much more important now.

Sabrina knew Aiden liked his commas but wondered why only milk had one.

If it had been just one thing, Rowen backed himself to not need a list. But once it was two things, he was compelled.

Why was Claudia here if he'd scribbled everything out already?! A spectacular waste of time!

Travis thought children didn't come ready-made but it was on the list so he would search.

(back)

Finley appeared with Golden Delicious stuck with thumb tacks.

(back)

So much time was saved with the missing letters, Adrian knocked 4.8 minutes of his record.

(back)

They all sat silent as nobody wanted to tell Angelica her maths had let her down again. Just like in the accountancy exam.

Corey hoped the nappies would be in better condition than his list.

Declan was so good he did the job of two at five-a-side.

Thankfully, Selena had just been to a Staples so had a plethora of pens available.

After Jacob had got everything, he turned it upside down and did it all over again.

Seth entered through the front door with multiple wives. He felt it probably didn't say that because there wouldn't be an F. But it was worth it. For now.

This was the list that kept on giving. They needed a cut and Katie got a papercut.

Duncan got the bread, milk, and chickpeas. Then stepped out to the carwash and came back for the photo frame, eye drops, and hairspray. He had a lot of time.

Grace was always a maverick. There were tick boxes but she still crossed them out.

Lorraine would have liked him to do a letter per square but it was true that he hadn't seen this type of paper since Mr Lench's math classes in 1983.

(back)

Emma knew that was not all he wanted. But these three things is all he got.

Jeffrey backed himself as the funny one so ordered a John Cleese mask.

Terrence needed the needle to sew up the tattered list.

What was despos? Humphrey knew it was something but wasn't properly listening when she told him earlier.

Malcolm took the list to a museum but turns out it was just a shopping list his wife had made him.

Quinn liked chaos and her lists always reflected that.

Nate questioned whether the first item was an order to do something or an order to order something.

Pauline wondered if anybody had ever combined snooker, litter, and shopping lists.

Lewis could no longer tell the difference between the new clear milk lids. He wondered if anybody had ever collected them. They'd be a millionaire.

Alvin could see Colgate and Oral-B. But no Elizabeth.

Bailey hated that three of Faye's exes were on it. Tom, Lee, and the guy she only ever referred to as "Mr Muscle".

Was it a PIN or was she asking for 7,899 loo rolls, thought Elliott.

Nikki could have sworn carrots were on the list. Maybe Melody nabbed them, she mused.

Mel knew Sam liked margarine but enough to put an exclamation mark? She wasn't sure. Maybe it was just a semi-colon.

With just one thing on it, Nick seriously questioned why she thought this list necessary. Until he turned it over.

(back)

Dean was glad of the definition of nectarines and bananas. Otherwise, he would have been looking in the cleaning aisle.

Three sections. Two milks. Sacha couldn't have meant this, could she?

Penelope's argument was that blue and red make purple. Hence, the purple Walkers.

Evie came back with a grandad. He stayed for the korma.

"Is a hoe dog a bitch?" That was what Luis wanted to say but sensibly just grabbed hot dogs.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday was accounted for. According to their calendar, the world ended on Tuesday. But if it didn't, they'd have some yoghurts left. Kimberley could breathe.

The guy at the till just laughed when Gerald asked about onioneos and lemoneos.

With two bullet points unaccounted for, Louis took it as a sign he had two free hits on whatever he fancied.

It was such art that Leroy felt compelled to sign it.

Ashton thought outlining the top two twice was a little much. Even with it, he still forgot both.

Leslie was sure this supermarket never did them. But then she saw the antlers.

Wilfred had heard you could now get food delivered. So he popped it in the post box and waited in the pub.

(back)

Sophie had been using Excel all morning so picked up milk formula.

Quentin was keen to try this new eco marijuana so put it third on the list. He'd had enough of ecstasy and was placing spare E's anywhere now.

This was the most creative freedom Joel had ever been given. Five was the limit and he got to pick two to his liking!

Archie knew kitchen roll was a late edition. But who wrote it? Was it a trick? Was it like last Halloween?

Zayn arrived back with a selection of A4 packs and a sketchpad. His dad found them the most honest newspapers he had ever read.

Jasinda was flabbergasted when Noel came back to the mansion with navy blue gammon.

Why he hadn't put spring onions next to spring rolls, Valery could not fathom. She knew nobody else who was so bohemian.

Ronan was so distracted by his really fast racing car that he bought meat for Wednesday and deodorant for the postman.

The cat would be happy but what human food did Camilla want him to get?

Kylian picked up a phone number's worth of items. Since the Navy incident, he always did as he was told.

For a second, Dylan considered whether the Tetley tea bags, Galaxy hot chocolate, posh milk, coconut water, or haemorrhoid gel would be good enough for his mum's birthday. In the end, he went to the pub.

When Tim reported back without his mother-in-law's milk, his wife exclaimed, "It's not all about you!" "I know," he replied, "Just ask courgettes."

Alecia was proud that she managed to mangle it so badly coming back large bread and guilty fruit juice.

It simply had to be done there and then but Andy knew he had messed up when he tried to purchase a whole shop.

Bryan knew it was unlikely but still asked the teenager stacking shelves which aisle the libraries were in.

Hamish rang his mum to confirm she meant shampoo. And again about cling film. When he rang about graps, she told him to just come back to the flat.

Ava knew she would be okay if she got four wines. Mum would manage it.

(back)

Always put your drug orders up top, they told Alasdair in that workshop. People never spot it if its up top, they said.

Jackson managed to only spent £2.43 on this spend. How? Because he panicked about the Canesten and only bought peppers and dried mixed fruit.

Smithy from Gavin and Stacey went peckish that night.

Mason made sure to check out how 'ard each butter was by starting on them. He got battered.

What happened between Veg For Sunday and Stuffing to make them fall out so badly?

Monday 23rd was too far ahead to think about. Even Tegan next door never ordered for more than two days ahead. She does online now. They come straight to her door!

Alfred always said snooker was best when Embassy sponsored it. Nigel disagreed. He said it was too dragged out.

Tyler was suspicious because cat biscuits looked like different writing. He knew his sister had been teaching the kittens new tricks, but this?

Putting fruit at the bottom of the list seemed like madness to Charlotte. It's the first thing you see! However, she did it in reverse. It's what he would’ve wanted.

It wasn't underlined so John came back with a Keith alongside Dolmio bolognaise sauce and milk.

Because this film was an 18, Aiden was surprised his mum let him watch it.

(back)

It was at this point that Chester broke down. There were no decent fresh cheesecakes.

Ant could take a guess at what was for dinner that night but couldn't guarantee it anymore after the curry incident.

Everything was written with such authority. Reggie was worried that eggs weren't yet sure enough of themselves.

Ethan prioritised the underlined things. It was a lottery.

Why was the hosiery in black and the rest in blue? For some reason, Caleb picked up blue tights for her.

Carlos arrived with July and August to disappointed faces in the kitchen.

Whether it was stuff for hospital or hospitality, Ben still thought paper plates would be a good purchase.

Linda was over the moon by spending less than the ton budget. Unfortunately, she only bought three things.

David got the telly magazine and went for a squiggle. He needed a sit down and could've done with a paper too.

Jayden thought it was saying he could only buy either beans, bacon, or mushrooms. He said it wasn't his fault.

The drawing of the egg made Deacon's life so much easier.

Luke didn't normally do the kids' friends' parties. So how was he meant to know Jake and Alex were separate people?

Rumour is that this is still the most successful shopping outing that Daniel's entire family had ever had. So much so that they left it in the trolley to inspire future generations.

Kyle must have been signing autographs at the time. Why else would you be carrying a pen like that?

Taylor couldn't complain. He doubted the instruction was just to stop and stare at the baskets, but he did it all the same.

(back)

Sarah brought back Thomas Ascot, Tommy Wright, and Tom Forsyth.

Although he knew his grandma liked to smoke, Patrick still thought she was asking for old clothing to wash the Mondeo with.

Bleach wasn't turning 30 until next year but it was so hard to find a 29th card.

Why he insisted the tissues be brown, Julia never wanted to know.

Nathan asked where he could put the rest of the bag as he took the required single Dorito.

It was his own list but still Jeremy had no idea what he meant by it.

Henry pondered whether something had secretly been removed towards the end so felt it best to destroy the document immediately after reading.

And so the most romantic night of Rebecca's life was soon to begin as Alexander diligently ticked things off his list.

Jason really wanted to test just how all-purpose it was by buying a lawnmower in the sale there and seeing if it made the blades sharper. It did not. It confirmed his moronic hypothesis.

Leah had been learning about all the different saints at school. But she had not yet heard of St. Beans.

Jon felt pressured having to bring the right breed and a queen.

The full stop at the end was final. Like an artist's sign off. Bridget was done.

Blake wondered if the bottom two had been relegated or whether it was a PSR thing.

Although he thought he knew what she meant, Joseph was pretty sure this place would never sell the sort of plugs he was imagining.

Sara had been planning this hot bath for a while but was fuming when Carlton got home with bathroom cleaning equipment.

Pete knew she meant crisps but the idea of him driving with used nappies made him chuckle in Aisle 4.

Tristan had to wonder just how much time leaving two letters out saved her on double cream. Ironically, the time he spent wondering this meant he had to extend his time on the parking app.

Alice suddenly panicked thinking she had scribbled over the wrong bit and her son would get on the bus with a new dog.

Because last night had been a heavy one, Steven was not surprised he had picked up 500 vinegars.

Bobby was a very popular customer. He always tipped on his way out.

In her anger at the Post Office scandal, Yvonne refused to visit there. In the end, she was glad the local Morrisons had a post-box beside the Peppa Pig ride machine.

Raquel had been accused too many times of searching for a drug dealer so made sure her shorthand for root vegetables left no interpretation.

The pooch was covered. The kitty was covered. The horse was covered. Now for the boring biscuits for her husband. Mariam was ready for the till.

Kaylee only had a fiver on her but the scones seemed the most important bit. Milk missed out this time. Next time, milk. Next time.

The change in writing was one thing. The lack of values caused mayhem with the Hendersons' weekly shop.

Another case of someone going to Waitrose and coming back with a Tom, Tommy, and Thomas.

As an Oxford professor of literature, Matthew appreciated the irony of her coming back with tomatoes, oregano, and breadsticks.

The football party felt a little different. Some said it was because it was a boring 0-0. Others said it was because Mark's girlfriend had bought teddies rather than Carlings.

Fruit Teas, Teas, and Coffee were doing everybody else's heads in. They always stuck together and bitched about the other items.

70 curries were ordered that night. Nobody moved the next day.

The time he saved shortening the items enabled Jonnie to swear another two times at the slow trolley mover in Aisle 9.

Having done a few years at MI5, Kate could tell the two capital M's were different. She sent it off for analysis and completely forgot to get bread.

With a first date to look forward to tomorrow, Mike wasn't sure it was the best thing to buy. But he went for it and got the cat food.

The difference between washing up liquid and washing liquid had already cause fractures in the household. Harriet was glad he'd learned his lesson but knew she could still use it for a future argument.

It was just a coincidence that his artist's signature looked like gratitude. She knew it was that because Trevor never ever thanked her.

Kieran took it as mockery of his speech impediment at first. Thankfully, he soon realised it didn't mean ready meals, but wholemeal.

(back)

Petrol and gas were the same thing in his eyes but Eithan did as he was told and went home with an illegal supply of nitrous oxide.

As a book publisher, it was natural that Maximilian enlarge the first letter on everything. Rachel, however, was sad to see her husband had supplied no glossary.

What had caused the riff between the top and bottom items was unclear to Chris and so he thought it better to keep them separate in the Mondeo.

Whatever news the letter brought, Sonny would have a right good knees-up with plenty of salad bits.

(back)

This was Abi's night and her night alone.

When Lily picked up Gideon's list, she guessed rightly about why the jumbo opaque sacks and washing liquid were left alone.

His pet name for her was Honey so she wondered if this were a secret letter directed to her. However, with the absent comma, she just bought everything on it instead.

Leaving little evidence behind, Roger had indeed got them something easy for supper.

Andrea was told there would be a shopping list for her and a poem for her sister to take. She left the shopping list and picked up the poem instead. She was sure because of the heading and semi-colons.

Katherine had recently come back from a sabbatical in the USA so thought it a bit off that she was expected to entice all of Congress to her dingy Peckham apartment.

The lovely lady at the till helped with three down. She had done it on her break. They had made her take the early one so Sue wasn't a happy teddy bear.

As he was in Lidl, Myles was a little scared asking which aisle the Asdas were. In the end, he made a wasted journey to Walmart's office unaware they were no longer involved.

When he asked the store assistant if she could show him his butter, Greg was politely asked to leave.

Luke couldn't believe his girlfriend had mistaken the V for an R and got them a whole new registration plate.

Daisy blushed as she read the little pet name they used for each other. They would always be each other's cauliflowers.

Everything was now sorted except the smelly flat. They would have rather the store run out of sugar and eggs than the very things Adam and Leo needed to cover the stench.

Laurence's mum just had to laugh when he parked up with other people's dirty dishes crammed into his boot.

Dorothy was horrified by the language. Never in all her years as a prison warden had she heard lavatories referred to in that way.

Why oh why she thought he would forget was beyond him! Still, Jimbo did forget and came back with six barbecues and a gazebo.

Two pizzas were bought but Gabriel was never confident this was the instruction.

He didn't understand why she would have said to get supper. That was obvious. It was only on the way home did Rufus realise it was sugar.

Even with his bartending experience, Pepe was still not confident what exactly constituted this sized beverage.

Being an engineer, Bryn ensured he measured every curly fry. The prehistoric raptors proved substantially more difficult.

Gary couldn't recall a Vinnie so was sure it must have been a brand. Turns out it was his best mate who he'd only known as "Diggsy" for the past twenty years.

Rhys' team was way better than Tony's. They were in better form and had Big Mozz.

Neil didn't know why Bill would need two but still picked up 12 o'clock and 4 o'clock for him. He put back the peak times.

The wacky baccy order at the end went unnoticed through security, but a keen-eyed cashier was able to point Kerry on his way.

Jane didn't like to make a big thing about it but, having forgotten them last time, it was so important the PG Tips were here for the next meeting.

Blaming Skyla was not big and was certainly not clever.

Maria put an offer in for the telecommunications giant but never expected to hear back so fast. She definitely needed the lottery ticket now.

Did the O have an accent above it? How would that change how he said tommies? Would Larry have to try it when asking around in the store?

Was it a love heart or was it a tick? She hadn't ticked it. Rose hadn't even gone anywhere near the crisps aisle. So it must have been a love heart. But was it for her?

The problem was he didn't drink so had no idea what was popular. He grabbed a WKD crate because he could've sworn he'd seen her have it once. Leah actually loved it. It would be perfect for her sister's shower.

Looking at it, Olive had a flashback to when their five-a-side captain grilled her for passing at her, not into space ahead of her.

(back)

He took the £18 and his CV and Martin started his own business called Gammon and Salmon.

Marrying a teacher meant that he feared the red pen. This time, at least, Jerome could relax.

Like a salmon, it leapt upstream across the page fold.

The manager set the team up in a 2-3-1-4-1 formation.

Tom's sauce could not be bought. It could not be extracted without his express permission. Luckily, tonight, Keeley had every permission in the world.